and a year later, here i am again

it's 8:00 in the morning, the earliest i've been awake ever since i got back from guatemala. i spent the last night tossing and turning in my bed, going through something a bit too similar to a quarter-life crisis. last night i booked my flight to korea and japan, setting in stone the next four months to come. although i am excited and have been daydreaming about going since last summer, for some inexplicable reason, a feeling of panic soon washed over me, hindering my sleep. maybe it's the pressure of truly making the most out of the precious time i have left before college, and the expectations that my parents have for me while i am there, but hundreds of questions were running through my head: will i be happy there? will i be productive? what if i get bored or homesick right away? what will i eat? where will i stay? can i find a job? yadda yadda.

suddenly i felt as if i were drowning in all these big plans i had previously made, accumulating force and momentum, and knocking me off my feet. there was a strong urge to give up and then, perhaps due to my restlessness and lack of sleep, i began to incorporate all other things in my life as guaranteed failures. in a matter of moments i became convinced that i will be too faint-hearted to make it through college, to become the person that i envisioned myself being, or the person i thought i wanted to be, which then begged the question, who DO i want to be? in short, my chain of thoughts began with daydreaming about korea, and blew up into a full out identity crisis.

the reason why i mention this is because it was this thought process that was what led me back to this blogspot because to me, the best way to sort out that self-colliding mess of thoughts is to force yourself to put it into words.

however, what surprises me the most isn't the fact that i somehow gravitated toward this blogspot that i had long forsaken, but because today happens to be the exact one-year anniversary of its birth (and sadly, the first and only blog i had actually posted..all the other ones are even more embarassing). incredible. who knew that the forces of blogspot could have such an effect upon me?

anyway, pretty soon the light was beginning to peek through the windows and to keep myself from drowning myself in some potentially damaging self-doubt, i decided to grab my camera and snap a few of pictures of my room at the rarest form in which i get to see it: daybreak.





a distraction, many times the root of our inefficiency, can also be our saving grace.

breathe.

even though these questions are still left unanswered, i've decided to blame (most of) my semi-panic on the coffee that i drank earlier yesterday. coffee and i were never very good friends to begin with.